Snob Appeal: Pinkie

N literally rolled her eyes for me, not at me, when I scurried into the grim classroom. She rolled her eyes at the general direction: Everybody else. It was a little after half past seven but, I was given the glamour-puss treatment. N was never the said type but, tonight seemed exceptional. Maybe she had a date. Then, several stragglers arrived, and N rolled her eyes indiscriminately - definitely had a date.

My gut did not react very well to the mostly filled seats, as I don't come off as a social creature in school. To be seated less than two palms away from one another wasn’t exactly my style. I took the second last row. Typical, I know. N resumed our last lecture (by M) on Aphra Behn: The scorned female writer in the 1600s due to her natural ability to wield her pen and raked in considerable wealth and influence.

Tonight, we had someone with a phony accent. Let's call her Pinkie, for convenience's sake and, because she did actually wore a pink sweater.

I couldn't recall why she said the word ‘attitude’ to N but, Pinkie pronounced it 'ahh-dee-toot'. It was only the beginning of Pinkie's litany of posh intonations. Everyone in the class, except Pinkie got rilly, oops, I meant, really uncomfortable; frustrated sighs, deep frowns, eyes bored into Pinkie from all directions as she took over N's stage.

You would not often get it right - an affected tone - when you try to make a conscious effort at it.
Pinkie made her point, when N did not ask for any to be made.

Take One: Pinkie’s random interjection aka 'posh accent'.

Pinkie: 'I thin (think) Helena hhass (has) an ad-vann-taage (advantage) over Angelica.' (Her voice rose up and down, like The Fat Lady's bad singing in the Harry Potter series)

N frowned irritably.

N: 'I get your point (Pinkie), but you must know that, Angelica's position in the play as a powerful figure cannot be compromised. She is a prostitute and Helena is a *‘woman of quality’. It is the structure of the play.'

It was an electrifying moment because I felt the air in the room prickled...

Take Two: Undeterred, Pinkie continued.

Pinkie: 'But Helena of-furred (offered) herself to Wilmore, and she paid him after sex. That is the ad-vann-taage (advantage) she had over Angelica. No?’

Random sighs heard. N looked at Pinkie. It was a look loosely resembling Uma Thurman’s character (The Bride) in Kill Bill, during her pre-vengeance speech: ‘And when I arrive at my destination, I’m gonna kill… Bill.’ In this case, N presumably wanted to kill… Pinkie.

Take Three: The spotlight was still manhandled by Pinkie.

Pinkie: ‘It rilly (really) depends howwl (how) you look at it… I mean, Helena is an i’ony (she dropped the ‘r’ in irony). She is a ‘woman of qwaah-lit-teee (quality)’, compared to the prostitute Angelica, yet …’

Everyone had the good grace not to chop her into little pink pieces. For her motley assortment of accents: Continental, American, British, the end-product sounded nothing like the said accents but her own - back to you, Pinkie. Or, next time, stick to one accent, at least you passed off as a real fake.


*A chaste woman.